All Those Books And Still Not Smart

All Human Wisdom Is Summed Up In Two Words - Wait And Hope

2011-01-15T04:24:00.000-08:00

Day 12 - That Time I Realised That When You Are Meant To Be Busy It Is Easy To Find Distractions But When You Have Nothing To Do It Is Impossible To Fill The Day

I quite literally have nothing to do.

I could fly home tomorrow if I wasn't quite so sure that I will have to do a re-sit. All I am doing is waiting for exam results and, if they are published saying I passed, I could have gone home yesterday.

It is very frustrating.

I have taken to perusing dress and shoe websites which is only causing more frustration and depression when I realise that there is no way I can afford them.

Excuse me while I go and drown my sorrows with Earl Grey.

&&Fin.

It Is Better To Be The Widow Of A Hero Than The Wife Of A Coward

2011-01-13T12:32:00.000-08:00

Day 10 - That Time I Heard Just About The Saddest Thing Ever

One of the family friends is a widow and every night before she goes to sleep she speaks to her husband and says:

'Goodnight my love. Just one less day until I see you again.'

Now if that doesn't put tears in your eyes I don't know what will.

&&Fin

To Send A Letter Is A Good Way To Go Somewhere Without Moving Anything But Your Heart

2011-01-09T03:18:00.000-08:00

Day 6 - That Time I Did Basically Nothing For A Week

I have been doing anything and everything to avoid revision, feeling guilty, doing an hour of revision and then repeating the whole filthy cycle all over again.

It is not healthy.

Three good things have happened this week:
1) Passed EU External Relations with 70%. This is incredible because I didn't think I would pass and, when I read the paper, I didn't understand one of the questions!!

2) Passed International and Comparative Criminology with 90%! I literally squee-ed when I read that. (And I may have got Heart radio to congratulate me on air too. I'm not a nerd.)

3) Was reunited with my beautiful, amazing house mate. =D (Although this came with a warning from her boyfriend not to be a homewrecker. =/ Didn't realise I gave out the lesbian vibe quite that much. Should definitely work on reigning that in.)

The rest of the week has been filled with mundane chores and eating. But something did really make me smile which was organising a reunion to Guildford with my ex-flat mates and friends. So we've arranged to all go up on a weekend in February and catch up which will be amazing. I am so excited about it that I had a dream about it the other night.

It has been far too long since I last saw them all.

And it's nice to know that, despite everyone going off and doing their own thing and not seeing each other for nearly 6 months, everyone was really keen to get together and spend some time together. I managed to see most of them at some point over the summer or Christmas but I know that a few of them haven't seen each other since last June. Which is a really long time to not see someone who you used to see every day when you fought to get in the shower! It's not like we haven't all kept in touch over the past few months - it sounds really old fashioned but I've been writing letters to people and it's been a lovely way to catch up with what people are doing without that impersonal, anonymity of facebook. Facebook often just feels like the easy way out when trying to catch up with friends so it has really meant a lot to me that people have bothered to send me things in the post.

If I'm honest though, this rant has just helped me avoid revision for 15 minutes so I should probably stop and actually get to work.

Or I could go and clean the kitchen, organise my sock drawer, doodle aimlessly....

&&Fin

A Thief Passes For A Gentleman When Stealing Has Made Him Rich

2011-01-05T03:47:00.000-08:00

Day 2 - That Day I Cried My Eyes Out

Too shocked to type much.

Someone (some thieving, scumbag, waste of society) has stolen Hoj's seat cover.

This is just too depressing.

Excuse me while I eat lots of chocolate, get fat and mourn the loss of my flowery seat cover with my distraught bicycle.

&&Fin.

Cyberspace; A Consensual Hallucination Experienced Daily By Billions

2011-01-04T14:44:00.000-08:00

Day 1 - That Time I Decided That A New Year Meant A New Day Count

It is 2011 - a new year and new opportunities are waiting. I went home for Christmas and it was wonderful to be back. It made me realise how much I had missed my friends and family. It also made me realise how much I want a good degree and how I need to seriously get my act together if I am going to deserve one. I'm back in the Netherlands now and, after getting through my 'first day' chores (which included food shopping, showering, tidying my room etc etc), I have managed to study my week 1 War and Peace lecture slides.

This is a good start for me.

I was also struck recently by the realisation that the majority of my generation really don't know how to treat/communicate with other people. I was only home for 10 days and yet this applied to at least 3 separate occasions where I was left quite speechless because of other people's behaviour. And, before I sound like an old woman that is just taking a pop at the youth of today, it's not just people in my age category either. My University has been absolutely terrible in terms of keeping its placement students updated with what is happening at home/about second placements. I also had a telephone interview recently to work with some barristers and, not only did they call me over an hour late, they spoke to me for about 10 minutes and mostly about the fact that the man's parents were stuck in Heathrow.

It wasn't a particularly impressive display of professionalism.

In this day and age, with mobile phones and facebook and instant messages, people seem to have forgotten actual, conversational courtesy. I recognise that I am ranting about our dependence on technology in an online blog but when I was at home I refused to go online for longer than a few minutes to check my personal emails and then I went back to my family.

And, actually? It was rather liberating not checking facebook every few minutes, not trawling through junk mail in my inbox, not making idle small talk with people I haven't physically spoken to in over 3 years.

If I didn't think it would make me a complete social outcast, I would delete my facebook right now and be happy about it.

(This rash decision would later be followed with floods of tears since most of my photos are saved on facebook and not backed up anywhere else. So I'm just as dependent on the internet as the best (worst?) of them. Irony; thy name is facebook.)

&&Fin

Those Who Have Least To Do Are Generally The Most Busy People In The World

2010-12-06T09:46:00.000-08:00

Day ?? - That Time I Tried to Catch Up

So I haven't been keeping very up-to-date with this since the last few weeks have been insanely busy! And, no, before you ask, not with work or Uni happenings.

Probably the main story of the last few weeks is that my friend, Sam, came to stay with me for 5 days which was very exciting and very awesome. =] We had a great time together, despite the snow, and I got to take him around my city. It was great. It made me totally feel in the Christmas spirit and miss being at home.

Also important news was the fact that I spent most of Thursday night in the Emergency Room with my friend who managed to fall down a flight of stairs (and they say that I'm graceless...). We didn't get home until 5.30am and then I made her sleep in my room so that she wouldn't be on her own for the night. Not exactly what we had planned for the night (our friend was turning 21) but it could have been a lot worse. The amount of stairs she fell down was pretty scary so I was just glad she wasn't in a full body bandage or in traction.

Everything else has been a bit crazy and I don't have the patience or the inclination to type it all up. I am, however, very excited for Christmas this year! I haven't been for the past few years and I can't really put my finger on why but this year I am totally in the Christmas spirit. I even went to buy fairy lights for my room.

We also have 'Kinky Christmas' coming up so we all need costume ideas for the night out. My friend wants me to go as an angel and I have found these shoes which I have deemed necessary: http://www.debenhams.com/webap
p/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10001_10001_58958+1089547759_-1?breadcrumb=Home%7EWomen%7EShoes+%26amp%3B+boots%7EHigh+heel+shoes

They are necessary, right? Right?!

&&Fin

Art Is Never Finished, Only Abandoned

2010-11-23T14:47:00.000-08:00

Day ?? - That Time I Updated To Avoid Cleaning My Room

So I have been really busy over the past few days. I went out on Wednesday for cocktails and had a Long Island Iced Tea for the first time. Which may have been an error because now I fear Wednesday Cocktail night may have to become a ritual.

This is not conducive to a healthy working environment.

I realised the other day that this was meant to be a photo blog and it's actually turned into me ranting and raving a lot. But hey ho.

The last few weeks have been insanely busy. 2 exams, a 15 page paper and a 4 day trip to Milan.

It was a great trip although there were a few things that could have gone better...

First of all, the trip there is exhausting. We left to catch the bus at 2am which would take us to Bremen. We arrived at the airport in Bremen at 4am (ish) then tried to sleep till 9am because our flight was at midday! It was such a long time to be travelling.

When we eventually got to Milan we got on a tram and didn't realise you were meant to buy tickets before you got on so we rode it for free! My blood pressure was through the roof the entire way. I honestly thought we were going to be arrested at any given moment by the imaginary conductor.

Terrifying, I tell you.

Then when we got to the hostel we had booked 7 beds in a private dorm. Turns out that didn't count for anything and he decided to put 5 of us in a private dorm and 1 of the girls in a separate room. (One girl unfortunately couldn't come with us. My maths skills aren't that bad.) So we grumbled a bit but it was fine.

We then decided to walk into town. I feel we would have re considered this decision if we had known how far from town we actually were. It took us probably 2 hours for all us girls to get to the centre by which point I was so hungry that I was ready to eat one of the smaller ones. (I could have taken them. Maybe.) So we picked a restaurant that was close by and not too horrifically expensive.

Bad move.

Only two of the meals were enjoyable and only 4 were actually edible.

We were in Italy and the food was bad.

Need I say any more?

Probably not. But here's the rest of the weekend anyway.

Wandered around for 5 hours on Friday night after travelling all day. This wandering did not end in alcohol. Hence the disappointed tone.
Saturday went to find Top Shop only to discover that it does not exist in Italy. Duh.
Got laughed out of a hotel when we asked for directions to the mystical Top Shop.
Panicked that I wouldn't be allowed in to the Duomo because of my short, inappropriate skirt.
Cursed the fact that this was the one day I decided not to opt for jeans.
Friend was pick pocketed in the train station on the way to dinner.
Went to a restaurant to find it packed and had stopped the buffet.
Pick pocketed friend is (justifiably) very upset and now just wants to go to McDonalds as this is the only thing she can afford.
Find a nice family restaurant and have a lovely meal. Pay for pick pocketed friend as a gesture of friendship and kindness and possibly restoration of humanity.
Drink copious amounts of wine.
Get ready to leave then decide more wine would be better.
Laugh at French toilets.
Get told off at the train station for making too much noise and for starting an escalator that has been switched off for the night.
Get a train one stop and are told to get off because the train station is closing.
Discover we are an hour away from home.
Walk.
Walk some more.
Get home to find a bit of a party going on.
Go to sleep. (Have to don socks and a hoodie with the hood pulled up in order to fend off the cold temperature threatening to seep into my bones).
Wake up to the sound of some puking. (Have I been transported back into University Halls? Nope. Still in my freezing hostel room in Milan).
Wake up to the sound of a hair drier.
Wonder how students can consume so much alcohol and not feel rotten in the morning.
Buy an umbrella from some guy in the train station. Pick up one which is 2 euros but then spot a rainbow brollie for 6 and decide that is a bargain).
Climb 250 stairs up to the Duomo roof.
Take nice pictures.
Go find somewhere to eat for lunch. Devour the best lasagne ever.
Go to Milano castle and explore the museums. (See a Leonardo Da Vinci painting and the last, unfinished Michelangelo)
Go to dinner.
Have amazing Happy hour.
Head back to hostel. Have been moved into a different public dormitory (Fffffuuuuu...)
Decide to have a fairly early night. (Am sharing the double with a friend and this is just a happy excuse to snuggle for longer)
Wake up to the lights being switched on and the hostel owner shouting 'WHO HAS DONE THIS?'
Discover that our room has flooded. Decide that laughing may be better than crying.
Get out of the hostel as fast as we can the next morning.

I think that's basically it for the Milan trip.

And now that I've typed that I'm officially all blogged out. Although lots has happened since that fateful holiday.

I shall save that for another day.

Ciao.

&&Fin

There Are Nights When The Wolves Are Silent And Only The Moon Howls

2010-11-02T04:55:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Locked Myself Away and Did Revision

I know, I know, it sounds like the start of some spooky halloween tale. In fact, just saying the word 'revision' aloud makes a tremor run down my spine. Nevertheless, that is what I have been doing for the past week. It was a very strange exam system though.

The European Private Law exam was 6.30pm-9pm. Which I was very baffled about - who does exams in the evenings? Very weird. Also, it wasn't properly moderated, you had your bag next to you, the invigilator left the room occasionally, you went to the toilet on your own.

But, weirdest of all, when I opened my Law exam staring back at me were multiple choice questions.

....?

Not that I have anything against MCQ papers it's just that...that's not how we're used to doing Law back in England, letmetellyou.

It was just a different, continental experience all round I guess.

Anthropology was very odd too - a take home exam which we had 10 days to complete (so coursework really). There were 10 questions split into two parts (1a&b, 2a&b etc) but you were only allowed to write one page for each numbered question so one page for both parts of your answer.

Most confusing.

My friend sat her Masters level exam and she was allowed a statute book in with her. Nobody checked that she hadn't written extra notes in there or that it was a clean copy.

No wonder the pass rate over here is 60% instead of 40%. How embarrassing if you fail.

(I say that now but in a couple of weeks I expect I'll be in tears over my mark of 5 or below.)

So, alas, my adventures have not been so great this week. Although I have enjoyed some new experiences I suppose. Here are some other things I have done:

Gone for hot chocolate and stayed in the coffee shop for 3 hours.
Bought lights and a seat cover for my beautiful Hoj. (Because he's worth it.)
Had someone clear out the bike shed so now there is room for all the bikes. Huzzah!
Lied to a charity worker.
Missed out on what looked like the best Halloween party ever because it was the night before my exam.
Ruined my freshly painted nails by cleaning the kitchen after my student manager came to remind me.
Laughed at some pretty funny pictures on facebook (you know the one I mean!)
Talked to Hanny Vee for the first time in agessss. <3
Arranged Sam to come and visit in November! =D
Arranged for Sam to have a bed when he comes to visit.
Cried because my Mum told me she was re-decorating my room and I was emotional.
Invited an Australian back to my house for Christmas.
Asked my parents if I could invite an Australian back to my house for Christmas.
Watched an entire season of Legend of the Seeker.

I think that's about it so far.

&&Fin.

The True Sign Of Intelligence Is Not Knowledge But Imagination.

2010-10-25T13:38:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Got Sucked In

I have been re-watching the first season of the American-Australian TV show 'Farscape'. Not only because A) it's awesome but B) I am bored of revision.

And, as I was watching, I got to an episode where John lands on a planet and is left there for 3 months. Somehow he becomes Tom Hanks (sans Wilson the volleyball) and has no power to get off the planet. I was so sucked in by the show that I actually said ALOUD (bear in mind that I was watching it alone) 'wow, that planet looks a lot like Earth'.

Where does my brain think the rest of the scenes are filmed?

But, I swear, I honestly forgot for one second that I was watching a sci-fi TV show.

If that's not the sign of a good show then I don't know what is.

&& Fin.

Here's To The Pilot That Weathered The Storm

2010-10-20T10:10:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Regretted Not Starving

Hello, dear readers.

I know that my absence in writing must have caused more than a few broken hearts but fear not! For I have returned with a vengeance.

The Tale of The Disconnection
Twas a cold Thursday eve
And the winter drew in
There was nought to do
But to sit and to sin.

A young girl was sat,
Her head in her hands,
For the internet was down
Along with her plans.

For she hoped she could watch
(As she was wont to do)
Some TV shows of hers
(There were more than a few).

But alas come the night
When the stars shone so gay
Her connection was gone
It had fluttered away.

Onward she battled
Through sever and gateway
But she turned to the vodka
So miserable was her day.

Then she partied all night
Danced till her feet turned blue
As she prayed that tomorrow
Her connection would be renewed.

All through Friday she suffered
Without book (face or lame),
Till she called the IT man
Such was her pain.

She knocked on his dwelling,
Filled with such dread,
For she had heard if you woke him,
He ripped off your head.

He opened the door,
She stifled a cry.
"What do you want?"
He roared with fee and with fi.

Calmly she told him
Her woes and her needs
He slammed the door in her face
And went about his dark, IT deeds.

A few minutes later,
And a few minutes more,
A muffled apology
Could be heard through the door.

"There's nought to be done."
He shrugged and he waved.
"Your internet's gone.
It cannot be saved."

Beaten, defeated,
The girl returned home
Where the only thing to do
Was to whine and to moan.

"Unhelpful wretch!
What on earth shall I do?
I have a project on Monday
And I'll miss Smallville too."

The weekend came
And the weekend went
She was ready to demand
A reduction of her rent.

In her hours of seclusion,
Cut off from the world
She managed to get through
An entire series of Gossip Girl.

But Monday came
And the IT man did too
"Turns out it's just your IPv6
It'll be as good as new."

The girl rejoiced
Her luck was finally in,
But her stomach lurched
When she saw IT man grin.

"Yep, reconnected
In a day or three.
That's what you get
For awakening me."

He left with a chuckle,
The girl still without power
So she sat down and counted
Every minute, every hour.

Lucky for her
(And her sanity too)
She was reconnected Tuesday
And she had much to do.

There were programs to watch
And emails to write
And secrets to keep
Of the events of Sunday night.

For nobody knew
That the girl was a whizz
That she hacked someone's wireless
What a cheeky young miss.

But regardless of this,
Her internet was back
So she wasted her time
Writing poetry and other cack.

=D

Yeah. Take that.
Also, I had my Anthropology presentation on Monday which could have gone worse. I think it was okay so I'm feeling quite good about that. It's weird to think though that I've had 6 weeks of lectures and I've already finished 2 of my modules for the year. Very bizarre. I'm a little worried about exams next week just because I feel like I haven't really learnt anything. And not because I haven't been working but just because it's been such a short time.

Anyway, onto other news.

Today I ran out of food. (Well, technically it was yesterday evening). So I knew I had to go food shopping. But the weather was horrible so I knew I had to do it on the way home because I wouldn't leave my house again if I got into the warm.

I picked up a few things in town and then went onto Albert Heijn and Lidl to get my food.

As I'm cycling home the wind picks up and it's been drizzling on and off all day so it started doing that again. Then, all of a sudden, there is a heavy hail storm. And I'm stuck in the middle of it with shopping bags, a wooly hat and skinny jeans.

Oh, that was a fun ride home.

Turns out the best buy of the day was not food (which I would have starved without) it was the preemptive waterproof mascara.

Bargain.

&&Fin.

A Dress Makes No Sense Unless It Inspires Men To Want To Take It Off You

2010-10-13T13:54:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Took Stock

So the past few days have been a bit of a blur.

The weather has been fantastic. So fantastic, in fact, that I left the house in shorts and a cardigan on Tuesday. What started out as a labelling me a fashionista soon turned into quite the fashion faux pas.

Turns out that it's cold in October. Regardless of whether the sun is out or not.

I went for lunch and coffee with a friend and ended up having to buy a pair of jeans to change into. Luckily, they were only 10 euros in the H&M sale and I did need a new pair anyway. But still. Felt like a bit of a moron going into the Academic building to shimmy out of shorts and jam on my new (far, far too skinny no wonder they were in the sale. They were made for Twiggy I swear.) jeans.

Anyway, this purchase got me thinking about what I've bought since I've been out in the Netherlands clothes wise. I moved with just 4 pairs of shoes in my suitcase and I know I've bought some since I've been here but I thought it would be interesting to see (roughly) what I've been spending my hard earned cash on. I took pictures of everything.

And now I'm a little ashamed to share.

So first, my lunch today was awesome. Bacon sandwiches and salad. It's allllll good.

Now, as to my shopping. We must bear in mind that I came over without a rain coat and with only one pair of flat shoes. And only like 2 (or 5) dresses. So some of this has been necessary purchases. Sort of.

(I'm sorry, Mum)

Gulp.

And then there is all the socks I bought the other week because I realised I had like 3 pairs. =/

Moving on...my money saving scheme is in place. I am not buying too much at the supermarket because I refuse to throw away food anymore. I am also not going out as much. This has less to do with saving money and more to do with the fact that I have exams in less than two weeks and I don't feel like I've learnt anything yet! Eek. This is insane. One of my courses has actually ended already.

Ask me anything about Anthropology.

I guarantee you that the answer will be 'I don't know'. I think I'm going to have to hole myself away for a solid week and revise.

And we all know how good I am at revision, dear readers.

Where are my very kind, very patient flat mates when I need them?!

This plan is somewhat hindered by the fact that I have been invited to the Hague on Friday to sit in on a War Crimes case in the International Court of Justice and I really, really want to go. The question is not about money or even passing my degree.

The real question is: can I be bothered to get to the train station for 6AM?

The answer, dear friends, is looking rather bleak I must admit.

&&Fin

A = success so A = X + Y + Z, with X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut

2010-10-10T07:53:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time Summer Came Back To The Netherlands

This weekend has mostly been about work.

A little bit about X-Factor but mostly work.

The only really interesting thing about the weekend was when I went out briefly on Saturday night. I went to go to a bar with my Australian friend that I met a few weeks ago. She invited me out for a drink or two with a group of her friends so I thought I would go and meet some new people. This was actually an excellent idea because I managed to meet the two other people that are coming to Portugal with us. =D

Always good to know who you are sharing a room with before you turn the lights out I suppose.

Anyway, turns out it was this rooftop bar in the Grote Markt. So we watched the sunset over the City Hall and then went to get hot chocolate in the Drie Gezusters. It was heavenly.

And this morning I woke up to clear blue skies once again. So my weekend has been fantastic weather wise, met some new, fun people and managed to get a whole lot of reading done besides.

Haven't gone for that second run yet though and my trainers are staring at me woefully from their box.

I may have to tuck them behind the wardrobe just so I feel less guilty about the whole 'not going running' thing.

&&Fin

Take In Laundry Before You Take In Partners

2010-10-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Made Some Stupid Decisions

I know, dear readers, it is a rare day when I make a stupid decision but, alas, that day has arrived.

Money is not the root of all evil. Alcohol is. I'm pretty sure that should be made official because not many people would disagree with me.

Moving swiftly on...I did laundry today.

Well...I tried. It's taken me roughly 5 hours to complete this gruelling mission. I don't think I could tell you why in all honesty because it's all blurred into a hazy, lint-filled memory. The washing machine was fine until it decided to lock the door at the end of the cycle and refuse to give me back my clothes. I waited for over 20 minutes for it to stop having a hissy fit and finally give up.

Then there were no spare dryers.

This wouldn't annoy me so much if there weren't 3 dryers filled with dry clothes that just haven't been collected. I decided to be nice. So instead of taking the dry clothes out and dumping them on the 'collection' table I went back to my room with my wet clothes and decided to wait for half an hour to see if these clothes were collected.

They were not.

Eventually I managed to find a dryer that was empty.

It didn't work.

Normally this wouldn't be such a big deal but I had just washed my only set of bed sheets so they kind of needed to dry in order for me to catch some zzzs later.

Some time later (I forget how long because I was so busy pouting about it) I found a dryer that worked and was empty. Huzzah! For a building of 300 people I feel that 8 dryers may be pushing it a little on the availability front.

I'm kind of missing home and the magic washing machine fairy.

AKA Mother.

&&Fin.

A Lean Compromise Is Better Than A Fat Lawsuit

2010-10-04T14:44:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Realised My Youth Was Running Out

The day has come that I have been dreading for years and everybody else I know has been praying for.

My metabolism appears to have slowed down because, alas, I have gained weight since moving to the Netherlands. I'm not sure if this is a permanent thing or just because I have been particularly piggy this week. I would not like to hazard a guess.

So, as of Monday, I am on a fitness regime.

This means going jogging at least 3 times a week, doing some relaxing yoga cycles and eating better sized portions for dinner.

No more colossal mountains of curry, no more plates piled high with pasta, no more wolfing down waffles.

I am feeling good about this.

Really. I am. I refuse to come back from the Netherlands with wonderful memories and a less than wonderful bouncing belly. ME + GAINING WEIGHT = GOING AGAINST THE LAWS OF NATURE.

I have already started doing some yoga this evening but this is my ultimate goal (I'm already half way there so I just have to practice a bit and stretch and I should be okay.)

In other news, not a lot has happened. I went to Anthropology today and was reminded that I needed to hand an abstract in to my teacher about the presentation I have to give in 2 weeks.

Which reminds me...I should probably get on that.

...right after a round of Sun Salutations.

&&Fin.

Fraternity Without Absorption, Union Without Fusion

2010-10-02T03:42:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time We Crashed Another Frat Party And Got Free Drinks All Night

The past few days haven't been all that exciting - lectures, writing up notes, food shopping etc.

However, we did have a bit of an exciting purchase the other day. We were in town trying to pay rent (we couldn't because there is a daily withdrawal limit of 250 and rent is 319) but instead we ended up buying shoes and a shisha!

Very exciting stuff.

We ended up smoking some apple flavour before we went out on the town on Friday night. We went to a couple of bars and danced and generally had a good time. Then we were getting peckish so we went to our favourite pizza place.

Then we went to the bar/club &Zo. It was fairly busy so the atmosphere was good but we didn't really know many people out and the average age appeared to be about 35. So we were about to go home until one of our friends saw us, grabbed me and pulled me through to the private/VIP section of the club. I was a little dazed but went with it because there seemed to be younger people there.

Found out about 2 minutes later that it's a private, black tie frat event.

Whoops.

Anyway, the head of the fraternity comes up to me and says 'you know this is a private frat party, right?' and I apologised and explained that I'd been dragged in by a mate and he just goes 'that's cool. If anyone gives you a hard time just say you're with me. Now...what are you drinking?'

And that was that.

For the rest of the night we were given all our drinks free and just danced away with all these frat boys. It was awesome. There was vodka, some appley drink, champagne. It was amazing.

I also appear to have come home with someone's bunny ears.

Best night ever? I submit that it just might be.

Or at least in the top 10.

&&Fin

Life Is Either A Great Adventure Or Nothing

2010-09-27T09:18:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Booked Another Holiday

Before I get into my ridiculous spenditure I have to make a point about my dinner yesterday. I was freaking out because it's Sunday and we all know, dear readers, what happens on Sundays; everything closes. I didn't even have any milk. Well...none that wasn't expired and lumpy anyway. So I had no idea what I was going to cook for dinner but I managed to find some noodles and a jar of sweet and sour sauce. I chopped up my remaining vegetables (half a red onion, 2 spring onions, half yellow pepper, half red pepper, handful of sugar snaps) fried them for a few minutes then added the sauce and allowed to simmer whilst the noodles boiled. It smelled foul and I just knew it would taste even worse. I dished it up in the saucepan that I had used to boil the noodles because I wasn't going to get another plate dirty for this monstrous effort of nutrition.

Best. Meal. Ever.

Honestly, I think it's the nicest thing I've cooked since I moved over here. Even better than the vegetable curry I insist on having every other day. And I thought I had cooked too many noodles but I ate it all. Every last piece of vegetable. It was that tasty (or maybe I was just that hungry..hm). And this morning I went to lectures and came back to find that my room smelled of it and, far from it being that horrible morning after yuck smell, it made my mouth water.

Seriously. Left over cooking is the best.

Anyway, on to my apparently bottomless pockets.

As some of you may (or may not) know I have booked a long weekend to Milan because I have Fridays, Monday and Tuesdays off (at least I will in November) and why not travel whilst I'm on the continent. Besides it's a £28 round trip.

However, I have also now been persuaded to go to Faro in South West Portugal at the end of November. I jumped at the chance and then was reconsidering later.

Until I learnt where we were going to be staying.

It's called an eco-lodge and it looks amazing. The bed is below a window that looks straight up to the stars.

I have booked my flight.

I worked three jobs over the summer so I figure I can afford this since it's 30 euros for 3 nights and only costs 35 to fly there and back. I literally cannot wait to go to this place. I have never been anywhere like this before and it looks incredible. The only thing I am worried about is that we might need to hire a car (kind of negates the whole eco thing) because it's a little out of the way and we want to explore.

Nevertheless I will return as a militant eco-warrier I'm sure.

So you better get your recycling up to scratch.

&&Fin

For Many, Immaturity Is An Ideal, Not A Defect

2010-09-26T04:41:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Posted A Bunch Of Random Stuff To Make Up For The Fact That My Life Is So Dull

So I haven't really done much in the last couple of days. I wrote up all my lecture notes but no one wants to hear about that. I have watched nearly the entire first season of Dexter (and also run out of all my food because I haven't been shopping but I'm sure the two are not linked). I had never watched it before, all I knew was the main character was a serial killer pseudo vigilante cop hidden beneath the guise of a forensic expert.

Now, I obviously like the show enough to have watched an entire series, however, I'm not completely in love with it and I wouldn't rave about it to my friends.

For one, Dexter's sister, Debbie, really gets my hackles up. Every episode she appears to be a whiny, oblivious tool. The actress is gorgeous and she does a great job portraying the sister who hates being emotionally distant from her brother but the writers make some of her lines so desperate and clingy. Like everything everybody does is a personal affront to her. No wonder her boss doesn't like her. Also, sometimes I get a really creepy non-sister/brother vibe coming from the two siblings. It's a bit incestuous and makes me feel uncomfortable.

What really makes me feel uncomfortable though is the interaction between Dexter and his long term girlfriend, Rita. She is a victim of domestic violence who suffered at the hands of her alcoholic, drug dependent (soon-to-be) ex-husband. The ex-husband is in jail for some of the series but gets released early which is a whole 'nother shed load of worms, my friend. But the thing that makes me so uncomfortable is when she's trying to become intimate or affectionate with Dexter. Dexter is not interested in the physical of the relationship because if he sleeps with her she will realise that he's 'empty' (this word is thrown around so much in the show I don't even know what it means anymore). But she's starting to get a bit more confidence and so she keepps throwing herself at him only for him to kind of push her away. And it's actually painful to watch. Here's an emotionally damaged woman throwing herself at someone who doesn't want to get physical with her and I just feel like it must make her feel even more insecure. I don't know. It's hard to explain but it is so awful to watch the two of them together. Rita is portrayed so well by the actress and I think that's what makes it so difficult to watch.

Another thing that really bugged me was one of the police men, Doakes, seemed to be in love with another man's wife then she died so now he seems to be chasing after Debbie. I know she's hot, but seriously? You move on that fast? And now he's all jealous about her psycho, prothetic junkie boyfriend.

One thing I do have to praise is the title sequence. My goodness, Digital Kitchen need to do every title sequence ever. The only reason I looked them up was because the opening scenes looked fairly similar to the titles in True Blood and, lo and behold, it's the same company. I think I would recommend the show just for them, honestly.

Despite all that, I still like the show because I like murder mysteries. It still doesn't topple the Mentalist or Sherlock Holmes but yeah, it's watchable.

As long as you don't mind a little fake blood every now and then. (/every other scene)

Now, onto more amusing things. I have a backless dress (yes, yes, it is sex on legs tyvm) so I need a backless bra otherwise the whole effect is ruined. Now, I, in a moment of haste and recklessness, forgot to pack the one I already owned when I moved to the Netherlands. So I had to buy a new one. For some unknown reason underwear and lingerie seems to be very expensive here or perhaps I am not shopping in the right places. Anyway, I found a substitute that would suffice until Mother could post my one to me.

In all fairness I think I bought it just so I could show you the pictures because it really doesn't do anything. At all. But I thought this might be vaguely amusing.

AHAHAA.

&&Fin.

Honour Among Thieves

2010-09-23T07:20:00.000-07:00

Week 3 - That Time I Almost Lost Him

Shock, horror, gasp!

Someone tried to steal Hoj today.

Yes, dear readers, note the 'tried' of that sentence. The bad men/women/people were foiled in their evil plans! I discovered their foul plot when I went to unlock Hoj and lift him out of the bike rack.

And the front wheel fell off.

These evil fiends/crack heads/baddies had unscrewed the nuts on the front wheel in the hopes that they could take the frame and leave the front wheel behind (as is the done thing, or so I hear). It's almost like a taunting calling card: 'haha, I have your bike but here's the wheel so you can cry over it and have a proper burial.'

Anyway, they would have gotten away with it too if it wasn't for my meddling bike lock. Which I wrapped around the frame, wheel and bike rack. With another lock on my back wheel.

Boo ya sucks, bike thieves.

Bring it.

Day ?? - That Time I Took Back Everything

My sister is 18 years old, off to Uni and dim.

She wanted to post me some mail and, instead of going to the post office to get a 60p stamp to send to the Netherlands, she decided to save some time because she had a First Class stamp in her pocket.

=/

So she posted the letter with a First Class stamp on it. When I discovered this I mocked her relentlessly on Skype in order to let it sink in how truly dim this was.

After all, she needs to learn the errors of her ways.

Anyway, 3 days later I received some post. I was very excited (as one is when receiving real, in the flesh post). Then I noticed the top right hand corner.

There was a First Class stamp staring innocently up at me.

I take back every bad word I said about my sister and the postal service. She is, clearly, a genius in disguise.

Very, very good disguise but still; genius.

Also, I have been keeping myself entertained this afternoon by ... well, I'll let you judge for yourself.

&& Fin.

The Supreme Irony Of Life Is That Hardly Anyone Gets Out Of It Alive

2010-09-21T14:57:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time My Luck Turned Sour Again

Why Today Was Not Great:
1) It didn't rain (as I had predicted it would not) but it wasn't sunny either.
2) The book shop only had 1 of the 3 books I needed
3) I paid full price to have some photos printed and then discovered I had online credit that would let me print 40 for free.
4) I napped for too long and now can't get to sleep.
5) I couldn't find any stamps with which to post items back to the UK.

&&Fin.

Tut Tut, Looks Like Rain

2010-09-20T09:38:00.001-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Regretted My Tight-Fisted-Ness

Woke up today and was greeted by the heavens opening before my very eyes. Still, this is the Netherlands so I was prepared with my ex-police water proof trousers (tres chic) and my mac in a pack for the onslaught of rain. My friend wanted to go to the shops before we headed into Uni (so didn't manage to have a cup of tea before we left) so we cycled over earlier than usual.

Just as we're locking up our bikes something occurs to me; it's Monday morning.

And, say it with me dear readers, Groningen dies for Sunday and Monday morning!

Of course it does.

So nothing is open. And now my friend is annoyed and wet. So we cycle to Uni as quickly as we can. When I describe the journey to you (full of perils, be warned) I am not exagerrating (much).

In Groningen the wind seems to not only be blowing the rain straight in your face but it also appears to be slashing at your bike sideways. The force is so immense that it either makes you drift towards the cars that drive along beside you or dangerously close to the pavement curb which, with the anorexic wheels I have on Hoj, would send me head over arse rather effectively. If you manage to hold on during this battering, the rain is the next foe to face.

It doesn't fall downwards.

It whips at you from (seemingly) all directions. But it particularly likes smacking you around the face for a bit. Now, as an avid glasses wearer, this was especially menacing for me. Anyone with an optical affliction will sympathise, I'm sure. Not only am I blinking owlishly every few seconds but my glasses are slowly becoming useless because of the amount of rain they seem to be attracting. Then, as if blurred vision isn't bad enough, the glass starts fogging up.

It's like being stuck in quick sand; it's slow, painfully obvious what's going to happen and there's nothing you can do about it. The more you swipe and struggle the quicker your situation deteriorates.

Eventually I had to take them off completely and just follow the weave and wobble of my friend's bicycle wheel in front of me.

To make matters worse, when I arrive I realise I have not applied waterproof mascara and now resemble Alice Cooper; The Transvestite Years.

Wonderful.

I also discovered that, whilst I had assumed my mac in a pack would be waterproof (name kind of hinted that it might be) it is, in fact, not. Not at all. My arms, chest, stomach and all the areas in between were completely soaked. But, thanks to my ex-police trousers my bottom half remained perfectly dry. Huzzah!

Sat through my four hours of lectures and then went to buy a REAL raincoat. One that might man up to the fearsome weather of the Netherlands.

Of course, by the time I exited the shop and cycled home it was no longer raining.

But, then again, we all knew that's what would happen anyway, didn't we? Who wants to take bets that tomorrow it's bright sunshine?

&&Fin

All Women Are Flirts, But Some Are Restrained By Shyness, And Others By Sense

2010-09-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time We Played Connect The Freckles

Today was a day without lectures so, instead of enjoying the lie in possibilities I decided to get up early in order to acquire a washing machine. In our building there are 300 single rooms and, at the moment, only 4 washing machines that work in the laundry room. So it is a rare opportunity when you get to do your washing and dry it as well.

I was spoilt because I got three loads washed and dried including my towels and bed sheets.

Bliss.

I also went and did some food shopping, hoovered my room, tidied my closet and did some research for my Anthropology project. All in all it was a very successful day.

I got a call in the evening from my friend asking if I wanted to go out with the group of lads that she had been talking to (and I had briefly met) the day before when we went into town. It sounded like a laugh so I agreed and then she said that we should pre-drink with them which, again, sounded like a laugh. It was only afterwards, when I sobered up and thought about it, that I realised that agreeing to go to this guy's apartment in town, just the two of us, probably wasn't really that clever.

But hey ho, it's a happy ending so it's all fine.

We had to get a taxi because we had no idea where we were going and, when we arrived, we couldn't find the front door. We stood outside where we thought we were meant to and had to phone the guys to come get us. Instead of walking all the way around the building they just whistled at us (yeah, like dogs) so we could find the entrance.

Once inside the drinks started flowing and we played ring of fire which, of course, my friend and I were doing horribly at because we kept forgetting rules like snake eyes and question master. We had also made the horrible mistake of making each other our mates so that when one of us screwed up the other had to drink too.

And we screwed up a lot.

We had a really good time in the apartment and, when the booze started running out, we decided to head into town which was like 3 minutes from where they lived (made a nice change instead of the 40 minutes where we live). When we got there though it was really crowded and hot and I think we'd all been having a better time at the house because it was easier to talk and drinks were cheaper! So we headed back to the apartment and just kind of collapsed into any available seats.

Here is where the drunkeness kicked in.

One of the guys says he wants to connect my freckles up. I think he's joking (people say it quite a lot) but he picks up a biro and starts joining the freckles on my arm up into some weird, box like pattern. Then the other arm. Then, there's me in a backless dress, and he sits me in front of him to join up the ones on my back.

Then he bit me. Like, actually properly bit me. Not a nibble or anything sexy. It hurt.

Then he decided to carry on with the freckles on my legs and stop with the biting. When I'm finally a human doodle we all decide it's time to go home and get some sleep because it is nearly 4 in the morning.

We say goodbye (discover someone has stolen one of the boy's bikes) and head home. It's only when I'm crawling into bed that I realise I'm not going to be able to scrub the pen off my back because there will be places I can't reach.

However, the guilty party did offer to give me a hand if I needed one.

What a gentleman.

&&Fin.

Brush My Teeth With A Bottle Of Jack

2010-09-16T07:08:00.000-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Was So Lucky I Could Have Kissed Someone

It appears, dear readers, that the Gods of Fate and Fortune have decided to bless me.

As we have all heard, Hoj was in the repair shop over night because Dutch bike mechanics can't tell the time in English. I needed Hoj for 8.30 the next morning and so was more than a little miffed that I would have to walk to Uni because the weather had been less than pleasant for the last couple of days.

Lo and behold, when I awoke..well, I'll let my photos do the talking.

Yes, the sun was shining and the walk was glorious. I was early so I even had time to go and buy an apple for breakfast. I had my first International and Comparative Criminology lecture and it was amazing. If I could fall madly in love with a subject, have a whirlwind romance, get hitched in Vegas and produce dozens of cute little baby subjects, I'd sacrafice all my morals and sleep with Criminology on the first date.

That's true love.

I also got Hoj back from the bike shop and he is all better (thank goodness)! I don't know what I'm going to do when I have to leave him in Groningen when I return to the UK.

Warning you now: there may be tears.

I had a corridor meeting at 8 in the evening to formally go over some of the rules and to discuss who was going to do kitchen duty on the different days. I finally met the rest of my hallway and discovered that there was a German and a Ukrainian living down the hall that I had never even seen before. Always good to know you've had invisible neighbours for the better part of 3 weeks.

Went out in the evening for an ESN party entitled 'I'm from Holland where the **** are you from?!'

Charming.

Most people were dressing up in their country colours but I couldn't find anything to resemble the Union Jack or ol' Georgie boy's cross so I decided to opt for wit instead.

I donned a black and white dress with black heels and had a purple tie around my neck.

At first it was 'pale and interesting' then, upon evaluation, I realised no one would guess that in a million years so I went as non-discrimination and the purple was the show the blue and red of the Union Jack mixed together.

I think everyone could tell it was a fairly poor attempt at pretty much anything so people didn't comment on my outfit.

I didn't drink in the club because the drinks were quite expensive so I had a fun (though painful on my feet), alcohol free night. This worked in my favour because I had Energy Law at 9am the next morning.

Turns out that not drinking? Yeah that's actually a really big help in getting out of bed in the morning. Who'da thunk?

&& Fin.

A Crown Is Merely A Hat That Lets The Rain In

2010-09-14T14:15:00.001-07:00

Day ?? - That Time I Got Really Wet And Had A Melt Down (no pun intended)

Sometimes I feel like my life is one very long, very unfunny punch line.

I have been waiting for a package from my mother for a few days because it contains waterproof clothing but I have been lucky with the weather (very unprecedented let me assure you) so it wasn't too much of a worry. However, as the black clouds of winter start to roll in over the Netherlands I became more eager for signs of this packages arrival so have been checking my mailbox every few hours for any post to no avail.

Anyway, this week Hoj has been making very strange, very unnerving noises. In my attempts to figure out what was wrong with my poor, bipedal friend, I managed to rip off part of the rear wheel guard and then the inner tubing that helps me to balance.

This did not eliminate the embarassingly loud noise of rattling every time I pedalled.

After a couple of days my friend pointed out that my tyre appeared to be very flat.

It was, in fact, as flat as a pancake. And not one of those scotch pancakes that has a bit of substance. I'm talking a crepe. Yeah.

So it turned out I had been cycling on the metal part of the wheel for about a week. And, worse still, was the fact that Hoj had been screaming in agony for the better part of a week. The poor thing.

So, anyway, I took him to the bike shop today to get it sorted. The man said to come back at 6.30, which struck me as odd considering Groningen (well..anything vaguely usesful) dies at about half 2 in the afternoon. But, regardless, I wandered home and vowed to return for my beloved Hoj at the aforementioned time because I would require his services at 8.30 the next morning to travel to Uni.

At 6.10 I dragged my tired, weary body out into the howling rain and gales of Groningen (read as medium-heavy drizzle). I walked all the way to the bike shop and discovered, to my unmitigated horror, that it was shut. Cold droplets of water trickled down my spine as I stared, with uncomprehending blankness, at the closed shop.

I walked all the way back to my house, my glasses now essentially useless thanks to the rain. My jeans and jumper were soaked through and itchy. On my way to the elevator I decided to check my post box.

I think you know what is coming, dear readers.

Yes, my package of waterproof clothing was indeed waiting for me when I returned.

If you'll excuse me, I'll be sighing heavily (with the occasional bout of fist shaking) for the next few hours or, perhaps, the foreseeable future.

Day ?? - That Time I Did Some Questionable Things

I have just spent a lot of money.

'On what?' I hear you cry.

Well, firstly I have booked my flights home for Christmas so I know I won't be stranded in the Land of the Nether Regions for the festive period (no matter how attractive that option may have appeared with exams looming in January). I have also booked a flight to Milan. Now, dear readers, I am not entirely sure why I have booked this trip for November 12th but, alas, I have. And therefore will take lots of photos with which to share the experience.

Finally, I bought a bunch of Monkey Island games from Tell Tale Games & Lucas Arts.

I am officially a nerd. But I also stumbled across this enlightening documentary so watch, enjoy, learn.

They Do Exist

&&Fin

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility

2010-09-12T01:15:00.001-07:00

Day 12 (? I'm losing count) - That Time I Almost Burst Into Tears In A Club

Saturday 11th September today and, yes, I did have a look on some of the memorial websites for 9/11 to pay my respects. There's nothing funny about that and I know this blog is normally lighthearted but I feel it should be mentioned because to completely ignore it would be a huge insult to a lot of people.

But, I don't want to dwell because this is still meant to be lighthearted/uplifting.

Today I managed to actually do some studying. My first real go at it since about May. It was so bizarre; I had to find my own handwriting again. I've decided to go for straight but loopy so we'll see how that works out. I'll keep you all updated on any changes made since I know this effects your everyday lives in a great way.

It got to late afternoon and my friend and I decided to order a takeaway. We did not realise how insanely difficult this would be.

Firstly, we had failed to get a takeaway the day before because Groningen seems to just switch off at 10 and we were looking for numbers at 10.15. But, today, we couldn't find any menus online with an English translation. Now, I know I've been in the Netherlands for nearly two weeks but that doesn't mean I can speak Dutch and it certainly doesn't mean I can translate a Chinese menu from Dutch to English.

Bah.

We ended up phoning one of the takeaways and just asking what they had down the phone. I don't think the woman on the other end could quite believe it.

Anyway, when it arrived (delivery boy was the sweetest guy ever) we realised that it was massive portions and we'd ordered way too much for two people. But we sat and wolfed it down and it was actually really tasty. It tasty really fresh and had lots of vegetables in it.

Stamp of approval, me thinks.

We were going out that night so after the obligatory episode of The Office, we decided to go and get ready because I needed a shower.

In my corridor there is a shower that is literally less than ten steps from my door and there is one that goes past 15 rooms at the other end of a long corridor. Someone was in the shower in the closest one so I went to the one further away (also it has two showers so you can spend slightly longer in there and not feel guilty). When I had finished my glorious shower I dried myself off. My towel is brand new and I haven't washed it yet so the absorbancy wasn't great but it was okay. Now, normally I walk back to my room (very quickly) wrapped in my towel and dress there but, instead, I discovered (the hard way) that skinny jeans are really not the best type of clothing to try and squeeze back on when you're still damp from the shower and realise that your new, sopping wet towel will not cover your modesty from the communal bathroom to your room.

I also made the executive decision to use the bathroom closest to me from now on to avoid embarrassing mishaps such as running down the hallway barefoot and blushing.

It seems as though a week is not complete here without me revealing myself to my housemates.

Anyway, we got ready to go out and I poured myself into an LBD and went to meet my friend. We got the bus into town (again, another epic fail at the bus station but I won't go into it) and went to our favourite bar Kasteel to have a couple of drinks while we waited for our other friends from Canada to arrive.

I should have realised that the towel incident had been a warning to stay inside.

We ordered our drinks and the bar tender (lovely guy) spilt them all over us. And when I say that I don't mean 'oh no! a little bit of alcohol has got on my hands' I mean 'what the hell?! my shoes are too slippery to keep on my feet and my legs are actually dripping.

Lovely.

He gave us our drinks for free and a free shot though so I couldn't really complain. And he felt so awful about it the poor guy. But then it transpired that there was some weird guy taking pictures of my friend and I (I jokingly said they were probably zooming in on her cleavage but she didn't find it very funny so I promptly shut my mouth after that) so we drank up and left to go to Rumba.

In Rumba it was two cocktails for one so we ended up getting tequila sunrise. I forgot how nice they are. We had a dance (had some requests played) and then decided to move on somewhere else where the music might be a little more dance-y. So off we trotted to &Zo. It got really hot really quickly so we had some shots and then went outside to cool off where, it transpired, that one of the Candian girls was really quite drunk and wanted some food.

We wandered off to our favourite pizza guy and ordered some food which was really, really good. Unfortunately, the Canadian was still feeling very drunk so she decided to go home and her very kind friend decided to take her to make sure she got home safe considering she wasn't walking in a straight line.

I was slightly concerned that they were riding bikes back.

They assured me that they would be fine and, anyway, when in Holland, right?

My friend and I went on to meet some other girls in a club called Kokomo. We had a laugh and a dance and then, it all went pear shaped.

We went up to sit at the bar for a moment because my feet were killing me and it was nearing 3am. Also there was some quite nice eye candy working behind the bar so we ended up people (person) watching for a while. Until my friend had a drink bought for her from a guy at the other end of the bar. She went off to say thanks and I sat there like a gooseberry.

Then, about 5 minutes later, this guy started talking to her but she moved away to the other side of me in order to discourage him.

This did not have the desired effect.

Instead, he leant right over me in order to talk to her. He was in my space so much that I actually had to lean backwards to accomodate him. I thought he might just say one thing to her and then move. No. That was wishful thinking; he actually started a conversation with her.

Supremely irritated I slid from my chair and told my friend that I was going to go home. She came with me because, dude, hoes before bros, aight?

So here's a few lessons that guys need to learn:
1) When you're trying to chat up a girl it's best to not piss off the friend that she's with.
2) When a girl moves away from you that's generally the clue to drop it.
3) Yes, contrary to popular belief, the spare does have feelings.

We ended up going home with my hormones going crazy until we had leftover Chinese food and watched X-Factor auditions. Felt much better at the realisation that if I get fat maybe it will cushion the insult of being considered invisible.

Holland is giving me complexes like it's my birthday.

&&Fin.

There's No IP Address Like Home

2010-09-10T02:34:00.001-07:00

The internet died on me for a couple of days so this post is a few days mashed together.

Day 09 - That Time That I Literally Did Nothing

No lectures today so I had the entire day to do whatever I pleased.

As such I pretty much did nothing but laze around the house doing some reading.

&& Fin.

Day 10 - That Time I Found David Mitchell

European Union External Relations Law was first on the agenda. The class is quite dry but my Professor is David Mitchell's long lost brother. He has similar mannerisms and the same sense of humour and he's just so unbelievably cute that I want to take him on a picnic. Anyway, he's pretty much the only reason I'm going to stay in that class because EU Law bores me to tears but I think I can stomach it if he's going to be leading the way.

Decided to go out in the evening for the last ESN party to round up Fresher's Week. We went to Kokomo in a beach themed outfit so that was good fun. I think I had a little too much tequila but, other than that, I had a good night.

&& Fin.

Day 11 - That Time I Got Sick

Am slowly getting a cold and so my friend took care of me all day long and even cooked me dinner. What an angel.

Cannot type more as the sniffles are quite overwhelming me.

&&Fin.

All little girls should be told they are pretty, even if they aren't

2010-09-07T03:45:00.000-07:00

Day 08 - That Time I Made A Great First Impression

Today was the first day of lectures but, in Groningen, the whole city shuts down on a Sunday (even all the big supermarkets, the restaurants and cafes etc.) and they don't tend to reopen until midday/early afternoon on the Monday so lectures on a Monday don't start until 11.

I think I should have been born Dutch.

I went to the first class which was Anthropology of Law. The professor was quite a young guy who was one of those teachers that likes to sit cross-legged on a table at the front of the class and have Deep and Meaningfuls with his classes. It looks like a really interesting class and I think he will draw out some interesting debates even though for the first session we just introduced ourselves and then he let us leave an hour early.

Because, you know, we only have 6 weeks to get this whole course in with just one two-hour lecture a week.

My second class was European Private Law.

I fear I may have made a grandiose error in picking this subject without reading the summary of what the course involves.

I appear to be learning about how Roman people invaded Germany and how that changed the way they transferred property.

I hated Property Law in my first year at University, especially transfer with deeds and titles, and now I've elected to take this module. That serves me right for picking subjects based on the days off I would have.

Lesson learnt.

When we got home we ended up cooking a vegetable curry and watching an hour of Bridget Jones' Diary on the TV. So glad we have a couple of English channels! The curry was actually really nice despite the fact that it was cooked in the kitchen that time (and cleaning supplies) forgot. It's really quite foul in there and none of the other students appear to clean up after themselves.

Plus, someone has stolen my cupboard. Boo.

Eventually my friend and I went to get ready for the 'Dutch' party organised by the University where everyone had to wear orange. After doing some tequila in her room we wandered off to get the bus because, alas, we still don't have lights on our bikes and it's a 60 euro fine if you get caught. And, you know what? I could probably buy another bike for that (a better one than my beloved Hoj I'm sure) so I'm not going to risk being stopped by the police.

We got on the bus and the driver informed us that we'd have to change buses at the Station Noord which we were fine with. We went to get on another bus and asked the driver if he was going to Grote Markt and he said he was so we sat down. But then, when we pulled away, we realised the bus wasn't facing the right way and we appeared to be driving out of the city. We looked at each other and were suddenly not quite so sure where we were headed. Thankfully, the bus went back on itself and we headed back into town but my friend still pressed the stop button too early. So the bus driver stopped and just waited.

And waited some more.

Until, eventually, I had to totter to the front of the bus and explain what had happened. To which he laughed and said he had seen the whole thing in his mirror and was waiting to see what we were going to do.

Bastard.

We made it to the orange party but it was so packed in &Zo that we ended up having to go outside every half hour or so because of the heat. I met my next door neighbour which was so surreal! He and a mate came to talk to Orty and I and he asked where we lived and then, when it turned out that was his building too, he asked what room and I realised he was in the one next to me. Score one for Amy with the nice Spanish bloke living next door.

We moved on to Rumba and decided to have a dance but we made an executive decision to go home when my friend had been grabbed for the umpteenth time that night and she'd had enough. She also had lectures at 9 and it was approaching 3 am so we called it a night and got a taxi.

Wherein the taxi driver informed me of this notion that all English girls are ugly. It had been mentioned to me twice before (in a roundabout way) but I had no idea about this assumption.

Is this what all foreigners think? That English women are the ugly bints of the globe? Is this a common stereotype for people outside of Britain? And where did this come from if it is?

I feel like I should defend my country and state, here and now, that I know plenty of absolutely stunning English women so back off world. Nyeah.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to pretend that I haven't spent the whole morning in my pyjamas with my hair like a bird's nest and act like I'm very busy with important University work.

&&Fin

The Man Who Missed Australia

2010-09-06T00:03:00.000-07:00

Day 07 - That Time We Crashed A Frat Party

Today we decided to actually get up and arrive early for the cultural sessions of our ESN tour to make up for the failure of the previous day. Afterall, we did shell out a princely sum to be involved in all the activities and, thus far, we had made little to no effort to get involved.

The sun was shining once again. I feel very lucky with this weather. Especially as I still need to buy a raincoat. I fear I will leave it too late and wake up one day to find that it's monsoon season.

We met our group in the Grote Markt and took more pictures of City Hall in the sunshine.

This is one of the biggest Frat houses in Groningen and it always looks insane! All the people are wasted and normally in fancy dress which is awesome. For lunch we headed to Bagels and Beans again and I had the salmon with tomato and pesto cream cheese on a sesame seed bun. I don't think pictures can quite convey how insanely delicious these things are but I took one anyway.

Anyway, we carried on to the Culture Centre and signed up for various activities including Dutch History and Egyptian belly dancing. Because...well, why not, right?

The Dutch History session was really interesting and funny but also had some really quite dark moments included. But it was informative and the guys delivering the presentation were very good. We learnt about the 'Man Who Missed Australia'. He was looking for the hidden, mythical southern continent and sailed right around it.

(I knew we shoulda taken a left at Albuquerque.)

Then we went out for dinner and a comedy show which was done by students of the University in a society called 'Stranger Things Have Happpened'. It was very similar in design to 'Whose Line Is It Anyway' which I love so I was cracking up. They were really very funny and I felt guilty that I was almost expecting them to be rubbish. But it was a very good evening.

After dinner we were about to head home and one of my friends had her bike stolen which sucked because she thinks they got her house keys too. It was horrible and I offered her my bike to ride home but she found someone from her house to walk with so she went to sort that out.

I went home and changed into a dress for going out later that evening. My friend and I went to catch the bus and missed it by about 6 seconds. Then we called a taxi. Then another bus turned up so we cancelled the taxi.

It was all very stressful.

When we reached the town one of my mentors texted me saying he had left the University organised party because the prices were really high so we ended up going to join him in the bar. It was tiny and called Kasteel and I think I'm in love. It might be better than The Castle of Comfort and that's hard for me to admit.

We got there and got free shots and drinks given to us by the bar tender. Ended up talking to some Dutch guys that taught us a dice game. It was awesome.

We then went out for pizza and exchanged numbers so that we could hang out again. We also promised the bar tender that we would come back and make it our regular hang out place. We went to get pizza and then figured we should probably head home because we did have lectures in the morning.

On the way to the taxi rank we walked past this club and heard an English song playing. My friend still wanted to dance so we agreed that we'd stop just for a couple of songs.

Turns out it was a private frat party and we were let in because they thought we belonged to a sorority. We ended up dancing and doing more shots and just having a brilliant time. They played Whitney Houston 'I will always love you' even though I asked for 'I wanna dance with somebody' but it was cool because about 20 Dutch guys ended up bellowing the words at me and my friend.

(Although with a friend that looks like this, I'm fairly sure they were just singing to her and I happened to be there as well. Going out with this girl is not such a boost for the old self-esteem, let me tell you.)

We left when fights broke out and glasses started smashing.

But still, it was a good night. And we amused the taxi driver so everyone had a good time.

Life is good in the Netherlands.

&& Fin.

My Watch Is A Little Shy So I'm Always A Little Late

2010-09-04T15:43:00.000-07:00

Day 06 - That Time We Were Really Late For Everything

Woke up today to find the sun shining and it was another glorious day in the city of Groningen. I managed to finally get a picture of Hoj (Hunk 'o Junk) today so you can all be witness to my fabulous transportation device.

Rode into town to get lights for Hoj so that I can ride in the evening and bought a Dutch mobile phone so it's cheap to call my friends.We wandered around town and looked in some clothes shops etc.

The ESN activities for the day were sports so my friend and I figured we could probably be a little late as long as we texted the guides.

(In reality we actually only turned up for dinner but that will come later.)

We went to this amazing place for lunch called Bagels and Beans. Oh my God. I know where all my money will be going from now on.

So delicious.

By the time we got home it was late afternoon so we figured we would have a cup of tea and then head over to where they were playing sports. Turned out they actually needed us to turn up earlier because we were meant to be playing against other teams and they didn't have enough players.

Whoops.

I did feel bad but nobody wants to see me attempt sports. Really.

We went over for dinner and ended up chatting to a really nice Canadian girl so it was worth the trek on our bikes just for that. And it was really very sunny and lovely still.

&&Fin

Strangers Are Just Friends You Haven't Met Yet

2010-09-04T00:59:00.000-07:00

Introduction Week Starts

Day 05 - That Time I Made Really Awkward Small Talk

No sign of my friend all morning. I texted her and facebooked her to no avail. After about 2 pm I started to get a bit worried that she might have collapsed somewhere in her beer addled state but she texted me at about 8pm to say that everything was fine and she was coming out to town.

Oy vay.

The rest of the day was fairly average. I went and bought slippers and a kettle. How much of an old lady am I?

Ah well, now I can have tea in my bed. I am so quintessentially English that it hurts a little bit.

I also went to change my courses today because I had too many Masters choices down. So now my course list looks like this:

Anthropology of Law I
European Private Law
Energy Law
European Union External Relations
International and Comparative Criminology
War and Peace I

So my timetable is thus:

Monday: 11-13 Anthropology of Law
13-15 European Private Law
Wednesday: 09-11 European Union External Relations Law
11-13 International and Comparative Criminology
Thursday: 09-11 Energy Law
15-18 War and Peace I

And that's it.

I don't know what I'm going to do with all this spare time I have because the library closes at 6pm! At home the library is open until the wee hours of the morning and in exam period it's open 24 hours a day. I don't know how I'm going to study when I can't get into a library and get books out because there is no way I am paying the extortionate prices of the books when I'm only here for only 4 months.

Anyway, after organising my classes (which I had to wait over an hour and a half to do) I went to my Introduction Week tour.

I feel like I have walked around Groningen about 7 times now. It was delightfully awkward as well because nobody in my group really wanted to talk that much. Huzzah. I love silence.

In the end I think people wanted me to shut up because I kept going on and on but I couldn't stand the lack of conversation.

We headed back to our tour guide's house and had dinner there which was really nice.

They call it frikandel and friets. I called it battered sausage and chips.

We went on a brief bar crawl but, because we went out so early there was no one around, so I ended up leaving early because I was so tired.

Plus tomorrow is a sports day so I will have the chance to further embarass myself in front of virtual strangers.

Oh, goodie.

&& Fin.

Temptation Is Thy Weakness

2010-09-04T00:37:00.000-07:00

Okay so the last couple of days have been quite interesting.

Day 04 - That Time I Was On Babysitting Duty

We had a Law meeting to introduce the course and how to register for exams etc. It was over 2 hours long and we were sat in these really hard, wooden chairs. After biking it around town for the past three days that was not the most comfortable thing in the world.

Oh, and the Netherlands? Yeah, not a friend to the thong.

Anyway, then we went on a tour around some of the main buildings but it was absolutely pouring and some of us didn't have rain jackets or umbrellas. I was one of these unlucky souls of course. But, lo and behold, my knight in shining armour appears in the form of a friendly Canadian who offered me his rain jacket because he had an umbrella!

I love Canada.

So we had this tour (which, fyi, was really quite useless) and then, after a brief stint in the shops, we went home. On the way we decided that we wanted to go and explore the town or at least meet our house mates and, being English, that means the involvement of alcohol. So we went to buy tequila and bumped into two New Zealand girls who lived in the building. We invited them out but they were quite tired. I think they were just glad to see someone that actually talked to them!

My friend and I started drinking tequila in her common room and waited for people to join us.

An hour later we were still waiting for people to join us so we decided to just head into town and have a look around.

Oh, if only.

Instead, we wound up at the Rumba bar which is normally really packed with International Students. Surprise, surprise; it was. So we had a drink in there and ended up bumping into these Canadians again. I then met a girl from Australia who asked us to come to another club with her.

So off we went.

We got into Kokomo which is a beach themed bar with a speed boat as the DJ booth. We danced for a bit and then got dragged to the bar where the guys had bought 13 pints for 10 euros. I'm not really a big fan of beer so I said thanks but no thanks. My friend on the other hand challenged them to a chugging competition.

And won.

We all just stared at her like she was an alien after she'd downed her fourth cup. She just laughed and went back to the dance floor.

However, about an hour later things were not quite as funny.

She was stumbling about all over the place and guys were hitting on her and giving her loads of beer so I had to keep my eye on her. Eventually (after she fell off the stage) I decided it was time to go home before she actually hurt herself. So one of the Canadians and I carried her out of the club to the taxi rank. She scrambled into the backseat and slurred at the driver. He didn't understand a word she said and just looked at me so I put on my best Dutch accent and he smiled.

When we reached our house (after many repeated ramblings from the Drunken Queen) she couldn't find her money to pay the taxi driver. Thing was I didn't have any money because we weren't meant to be going out that late and we were hoping to either walk or bus it back. Eventually we paid the taxi driver and got inside the building.

Where my friend promptly head butted a closed lift door and fell on her arse.

Beautiful.

&& Fin.

It's Official

2010-09-02T01:41:00.000-07:00

Today I had my welcome ceremony so I met up with a friend today who I know from home (she moved into my building yesterday) because I needed take her into town. When I rolled up on my bike she asked me how much I paid for it and then laughed. Poor old Hoj (hunk o' junk). I'm getting to be rather fond of him actually. Even if he is a bit rusty and his lights don't work (something else I'm going to have to sort out soon).

Anyway, I lead her to Martinikerk which is a huge, old church. It was where the first part of the welcome ceremony was held. It was very beautiful but it was hard to hear the speeches because of the echoes. I couldn't understand a word that the mayor was saying but I'm sure it was very welcoming.

Then we went down to the main Academy building.

It was kind of set up like a Fresher's Fair with booths of information and freebies. I got a lot of helpful brochures about Groningen and I also got my student ID card so I am officially a student of Rijksuniversiteit Groningen (RUG).

I signed up for the ESN (Erasmus Student Network) Introduction Week with pub crawls, belly dancing workshops, karaoke, film night, orange party and learning some basic Dutch. It looks like it should be a lot of fun but I have to wear a green wrist band for the next week and a bit which digs in when I'm trying to type or write.

The price I pay to be entertained.

Today was also a success because I finally went food shopping! Huzzah! I decided to have fajitas for dinner so I went to the kitchen to set everything up...only to find I had forgotten to buy oil. Felt like such a fool.

So I need to go food shopping again tomorrow and, I looked in the kettle in the kitchen and it's fairly gross, so I might have to buy a kettle as well. But then I can probably keep it in my room and have cups of tea in bed. Bliss. I also managed to bug my student manager for a pillow and a tea towel so that's another thing to tick off the to-do list.

I think my greatest purchase of the day was Earl Grey tea bags. How I have missed the sweet, simple pleasure of tea. <3 I also took a nice picture of a park on the ride home so I will share it with you now.

&&Fin.

The Party Don't Start Till I Walk In

2010-08-31T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have arrived and spent my first 24 hours in the Netherlands.

Day 1 - Leaving On A Jet Plane

The airport was hard. I went to a little local which was very friendly but, when it came to saying goodbye to my family, there were still tears in my eyes. I was a brave soldier and refused to cry but my vision was a little waterlogged for a few minutes.

And I lost my hat.

But then I got on the tiny little plane (it had propellers) and everything was fine. I love flying so I was instantly back in a good mood and ready for my new adventure.

The flight was a little over an hour but we had to wait around for larger planes to get out of our way both at home and abroad so I was actually on the plan for about an hour and three quarters. We hit some turbulence as we approached the Netherlands because we were flying through rain clouds but it kept making my stomach lurch and made me giggle.

I'm sure the poor man sitting next to me thought I was insane.

When I arrived in Amsterdam I wasn't expecting the airport to be quite so huge. We were let in through the gate that was farthest away from anything so I had a good walk to baggage claim. Through passport control (no questions asked tyvm) and onto baggage and I thought 'here we go, I'll have to wait hours for this' but, just as I turned the corner I saw my case go past on the belt.

Bloody marvellous.

So I grabbed that and headed for the exit. There was a bizarre deflation moment where I just went 'well...what now?' But I managed to find the trains and got my ticket.

Luckily (or maybe not) for me there was another student going to Groningen who was waiting on the platform. Maybe I have that student vibe about me but he came straight up to me to ask if I was studying in Groningen. Bear in mind that this train has many (many, many, many ) stops before it arrives at Groningen. So he helped me onboard and helped load my luggage into the overhead storage which was really kind because I couldn't lift it at all.

Then, for the next 2 (almost 3) hours he did not shut up.

And I'm not talking about conversation between the two of us being a constant flow.

No.

I said about 5 words. He just filled me in on his life and his ex-girlfriend and how he likes to play World of Warcraft and listen to heavy metal and his Uncle's concubine treated his Grandma badly so he threatened to break her legs.

You know, real first conversation type stuff.

I managed to say a hurried goodbye at the station though and then went to meet my friend who was picking me up. We got the taxi to my new house and walked in through the front door.

There is no one around.

I have no phone number, no room number, no instructions as to what to do next.

So we sit there and look like very lost, very awkward tourists.

Wonderful. Just the sort of first impression I want to be giving.

Some kind soul comes along eventually and asks if we need help. I think he might have been a bit scared at how we practically jumped at him. I met my student manager who is a lovely bloke who gave me a tour and set up my internet and gave me all new kitchen things. The kitchen is connected to a common room with sofas and a TV and a balcony where people can go and sit (most people smoke out there as then it won't smell). My student manager made me feel really welcome (he may have forgotten to give me a pillow but we'll forgive him that small oversight) and I got to see my room. It's very bare but it's quite large so it looks even paler and emptier because it's reasonably big. Much bigger than the room I had at my university at home.

Much bigger than my sister's at my parent's house.

Left to our own devices, my friend and I go to explore the city and buy essentials like food, bed covers and a hair drier. (I now realise that that list should be far more extensive: slippers, towel, dressing gown, socks, extension lead, mirror, tupperware, light bulb, dirty clothes bag etc etc.)

In my shopping trip I managed to buy bed covers and a hair drier.

It occurs to me (and my grumbling stomach) now that food probably should have been higher on my priority list. But we did get a good look around the town.

Anyway, I went back to my friend's for dinner and stayed until about 8.30. When I decided to go home we didn't know what would be the best route. I didn't want to walk because it would take me nearly an hour and I was fairly sure that I would get lost. (Confident, really.) So we thought a bus might be good but, in the dark and on my first day, I wouldn't know where to get off. So I got a train from Groningen Central to Groningen Noord which is much cheaper than a taxi and close to my house.

Or so I thought.

I managed to get lost no fewer than 4 times on my way home, almost cried, wanted to phone a taxi, wanted to phone my mum. I eventually found a landmark that I recognised and hurried home (the sun has completely disappeared at this point) and, on my way, walked past a man relieving himself in a bush. To give the man some much needed privacy, I crossed the road to the other side. However, this seemed to alert him to my presence. So he said hello and asked me how I was.

You can't say the Dutch aren't friendly.

I almost ran the last part of the way home but managed to control myself and walk at a decent pace. When I got back to my room I almost collpased with relief and then remembered that I still hadn't unpacked, still hadn't met any of my flat mates and still hadn't skype-d my family like I promised I would.

After these three things were checked off my to-do list I brushed my teeth and went to get changed for bed. The afore-mentioned balcony is right next to my room and I can hear people talking out on the balcony. As I take my shirt off I look to the left and make eye contact with one of the blokes out there through my curtains.

My curtains are not very thick.

At all.

So after a day of mindlessly babbling, getting lost, being indecently exposed to and exposing myself I'd say it's been a successful first day.

Dank u wel and tot ziens!

Day 2 - Heroes and Thieves At My Door

Today I woke up at 7 and got to watch the sun rise from my balcony.

If there could ever be a little slice of perfection I think that's what it would be like.

I went to meet my friend quite early this morning because we were told there was going to be a massive bike market and I really wanted to buy one as soon as possible because I'm quite a way from town.

There were no bikes to be seen.

So we pottered about for a bit and then went to get a bike from a normal shop. I ended up paying about 95 euros for a second hand one but it had gears and hand brakes which quite a few of the others don't. (In order to brake you need to peddle backwards. It's a bit obscure but seems to work fine.) I was very excited and pleased with my bike because it was in reasonable condition and was good value in comparison to others we had looked at.

I wheeled it home (not quite brave enough to traverse the right handed traffic of the continent) and went into the bike shed in my building. My key didn't appear to unlock any of the cages where the bikes are kept and the dooor wouldn't open behind me which was irritating and odd. But, I figured, if I left the bike in the shed (which has locked doors) I could run upstairs and get my bike lock t secure it more satisfactorily.

I was gone 10 minutes and, when I returned, my bike was no where to be seen.

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

But, I thought, neither of those options actually helps me in any way. So, instead, I pulled my shoes back on and walked back into town where, from a different, more helpful bike shop, I bought the cheapest bike they had to offer and a very hefty, very expensive bike chain.

I now have no gears, backwards pedalling brakes and a rusty piece of junk. But I do have a huge chain that I can barely pick up so nyeah bike thieves.

That's about it really for the first 24 hours. I've been lost, returned an extension lead that I didn't want, learnt some words in Dutch, bought no less than 2 bikes in the space of an hour and have allowed one (or several, I'm too embarrassed to check) of my housemates a good look at my naked bosoms.

Huzzah.

I Made Plans To Make Plans

2010-08-22T11:45:00.000-07:00

Apparently there are certain things you are meant to do before you move abroad.

1) Get insurance.
2) Change money to euros.
3) Pack.

I am slightly concerned that none of these have been done and, even more worrying, I'm not panicking.

My suitcase is in my room and is currently empty. I have no plans to change this in the near future and I find myself wondering when I'm actually going to get ready to leave the country.

Well, I suppose it will have to be soon because my flight is in 7 days.

The Room of Death

2010-08-18T10:24:00.000-07:00

The Room of Death
The first thing I notice at my new job is that no one calls the place where I'll be working 'the archive room', it's not even referenced as 'upstairs'. It is, universally and without exception, 'The 4th Floor'.

I'm taken up in the lift and, almost instantly, I notice that buttons 1,2,3 and 5 are all worn down to the point that it is hard to make out the numbers. But button 4 is clean. It looks almost new, as clear as the day it was first installed. This, for unknown and irrational reasons, freaks me out. The second thing is that, upon arriving on The 4th Floor, it is completely deserted. And looks like it may have been for a good few years.

Already my imagination is throwing up images of murders and accidents at work. I’m trying to remember the episode of the Mentalist that this reminds me of and recall, with startling clarity, the face of the young temp that was killed on an abandoned floor in an old office.

This is not a good start.

Pushing all thoughts of homicide to the back of my mind, my first challenge comes in the form of a door. If this door were a cartoon character it would be the hulk; it’s huge. (And it does look slightly angry with me.) It’s one of the original doors of the building so the wood is about a foot thick and I think it might be sound proof. I actually have to completely throw my weight behind me to pull this door open and, when I can feel that my shoulder hasn’t popped out of the socket, I stare into the dingy corridor beyond. The door is so heavy that it starts closing so, not wishing to repeat the experience of dislocating my shoulder; I scurry through the rapidly closing gap.

I’m greeted by a darkened hallway. I can vaguely make out some shapes of machinery and pipes but the rest is shrouded in shadow. A few steps in and the motion sensors pick up on my movement and the lights flicker on.

I almost wish they’d remained off.

Two of the lights don’t work so I suppose that’s a small blessing. There are spills and leakages and loose hoses, even an abandoned ladder. The floor is sticky and there is nowhere that I can put my feet to avoid the black, crispy residue coating the ground. There are no windows on this floor. At all. I’ve got the feeling that I’m in an oversized coffin.

I carry on down the hallway, taking a sharp turn to the right into a cage like structure before continuing on down the corridor. I’m very aware that each step I take is a step further from people, help, safety.

A nasty little voice whispers in the back of my head that there’s no one around to hear me scream.

I push the thought from my mind and try to focus on something else but there is only the heat. It’s vicious; the kind of heat that’s sweltering and then laughs at you when it can see you sweating. It’s oppressive and stifling and it clogs my airways.

I understand, rather suddenly, that this must be what Hell feels like.

I carry on down the hallway past spills and hoses and rust and I notice that there are open man holes dotted along either side of the hall. They lead further into the darkness and I try not to look directly at any in case I see someone (something?) staring back. There are signs indicating that these are confined work spaces so I assume that’s where the long-forgotten chimney sweeps live.

I suddenly long for my little office back down on the 2nd floor.

As I’m walking, I notice that someone has painted tiny, yellow footprints on the floor. They lead from an open man hole and slowly fade down the corridor. Far from this being a whimsical joke, I begin to panic about what happened to the Smurf-sized Simpson. This is further exasperated when I come across what looks like a tiny shrivelled body. Turns out it’s a pair of discarded surgical gloves. But still, why are there surgical gloves down here? The nasty, little voice starts whispering again.

Finally, ignoring the suggestions of vile villains and creepy chimney sweeps lurking in holes, I reach my destination – the only door on the whole corridor.

It’s a very ordinary, red door. I think that, maybe, this might not be so bad after all. The door is the most modern thing I have seen in the past quarter of an hour. I unlock it and turn on the light.

I realise, instantly, that this isn’t an archive room at all; it’s a burial ground. This is where important files and folders come to die.

They are everywhere. Literally. They line the walls and floor in piles of neat boxes and in mountains of discarded bundles of paper. This isn’t a job for a clerical assistant; it’s a job for the bin men. There are filing cabinets and drawers and lockers and cardboard boxes stuffed full of all sorts of different documents. On my left there are huge books that I can barely lift dating all the way back to 1962. My brain seems to shut down at the very idea of organising this room.

Nevertheless, it’s what they are paying me to do, so organise I shall. Let it never be said that I don’t enjoy a challenge. Especially when it comes to organising files and folders.

**

5 hours later and I’ve had to have several breaks from The Room of Death because the heat makes me dizzy. Despite this, slowly but surely, I can see that I’m making some progress with a ‘keep’ pile and a ‘chuck’ pile. No one has been up on the floor all day and the silence is deafening. Every little noise makes me jump out of my skin and I’m sure my heart has never suffered such an extended cardio workout.

Suddenly, there’s a sound like the trampling of many feet and, instead of cowering behind a filing cabinet like my instincts are demanding, I go to investigate.

With hindsight I realise this may have been a massive error in judgement. Isn’t it always the nosy girl that gets bumped off first?

Poking my head out of the door I don’t see anything to cause alarm but the wave of heat that hits my face takes my breath away. Glancing further down the corridor I can see that, actually, alarm might be the best emotion to employ.

The corridor is flooding with water.

Clearly, the heat has addled my senses because, despite the fact that the water is steaming, I bend down and dip two fingers in.

My burnt fingers and I can now definitely confirm that the corridor is flooding with boiling hot water.

Worry mounts and then transforms into true panic when my brain makes the connection that this water is blocking my only known escape route. This prompts further exploration to find another exit because I refuse to die drowning in 3 inches of hot water. This entails me wandering around more of the deserted 4th Floor and, eventually, finding a way out into the fresh, cold air.

I venture back up to The 4th Floor after a cup of tea to find that most of the water has drained away. Therefore, I reason, this kind of occurrence is fairly regular and routine. Weeks later, I mention it to my supervisor who informs me that, in no uncertain terms, is the corridor meant to flood and I should have reported it.

Perhaps that’s what happened to Smurf-sized Simpson; he drowned?

A short while after this debacle I go up to The 4th Floor first thing in the morning, unlock the door and stop almost instantly upon entering the room.

Something has changed.

Someone has been into the room (which I, apparently, have the only key to) and moved something.

At first I’m concerned that I can tell within seconds of entering the room that something has happened. (Has it really become that much of a second home to me?) But, more than this, I need to know what’s missing. After a few minutes of digging around the mystery is solved.

It’s personnel files.

When I report this to my supervisor he really doesn’t seem too concerned. So I get back to work.

**

It’s a few days later and I’m getting into the swing of things when I pick up a folder that drips. This isn’t overly strange since quite a lot of the paper work on The 4th Floor has been water damaged at some point between now and the 1960s. But I still don’t want to get the water on me so I move to shift the folder onto my hip, the movement of which upends the folder and empties onto the floor what must be nearly 4 pints of something yellow, smelly and what I’m really hoping is just old beer.

Of course, my arms are now coated in this mysterious substance.

Delightful.

**

A few weeks later and I find I’m being moved to a new room. Turns out that there’s an archive room on the first floor that’s more organised but, when I first arrived, the lights weren’t working.

They’re telling me this after I’ve survived The Room of Death for weeks?

Cheers.

Still, I’m thinking this move is good; it means progress. And The 4th Floor is starting to look fairly crowded now after I’ve organised most of the files into boxes. I’m told the new room is somewhat more organised than The 4th Floor and, praise Mary, it’s got air conditioning. I’m not naive though, surely there must be something wrong with this place otherwise someone else would have sorted it out.

However, hope rears its ugly head and, upon first impressions, it doesn’t look too bad. Okay, one of the lights doesn’t work but the boxes are all stacked neatly on shelves and they are all labelled (mostly correctly) and the oldest file is 2004. This, I think, may not be too bad.

3 hours in and my eyes are drawn to a sign on the wall. I hadn’t noticed it before because I’d been so focused on the joy of a semi-organised room. Closer inspection reveals it to be an asbestos notice. Recoiling with horror I notice that these stickers are plastered all over the walls at metre intervals. Taking quick, shallow breaths I now understand that they’ve moved me from one Room of Death only to put me in another.

Room of Death: The Sequel, Part Deux whatever you want to call it.

That’s when my ears suddenly pick up on all these sounds that had previously gone unnoticed. There are bumps and creaks and groans and voices and dripping sounds and general activity from the adjacent corridor. It’s ghostly and unearthly and sets my teeth on edge whenever I hear a particularly loud bang. The knowledge that this room doesn’t lock kicks the nasty, little voice awake and it hisses that anyone could come in whilst I’m away and hide behind the many stacks of boxes.

And then jump out at me for a laugh.

I quickly come to the conclusion that The 4th Floor has nothing on this place and I long for it almost as much as I used to long for my office downstairs.

I suppose it’s true what they say; better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.

&&Fin.

The Flowers Seem To Grin

2010-07-25T03:16:00.000-07:00

I got my University results today and was very pleased with a high 2.1. This means that I have my choice of work placements next year.

Thank God! I did not want to end up in a hole making coffee for 6 months.

I have also been volunteering at Uni for the past three days working as a campus tour guide for prospective new students. It has been so rewarding and a wonderful experience so I would recommend people getting involved in this type of activity as much as they can. I met so many wonderful people and felt so content afterwards which I'm sure sounds bizarre but I really just felt good about myself afterwards.

All in all it's been a good past couple of days.

And I am finally thinking sensibly about my placement in Groningen and am starting to get things ready to go in a few weeks. It's so weird how close it is but it feels like it will be another lifetime. I can't believe I'm leaving everyone behind in just over a month. It's too weird to think about.

So I'm going to stop.

Besides, I think there is a cup of tea and a toasted sandwich that is calling my name from downstairs.

To Die Will Be An Awfully Big Adventure

2010-04-23T13:25:00.000-07:00

I am off to the Netherlands for 5 months.

I have booked my flight today and suddenly it has all dawned on me that, soon, I will be leaving behind all sense of 'home comfort'. I didn't even go very far to university so why I have decided to go and spend almost half the year in a foreign country is still something that I'm trying to decipher myself.

I also thought that the flights would be cheap - how often do I see adverts about Amsterdam flights starting from £3.99? It's costing me £83 to get there and then I have to hop on a train for two hours. This 'public transport' milarkey is hard enough for my brain to cope with in grand Great Britain so how I'm going to manage it in the Netherlands I do not know. I have slowly been learning some Dutch on the internet. However, I am somewhat suspicious as to the accuracy of a website called 'digital dialects' - they might be teaching me all sorts of things instead of 'where do you come from?' and 'sorry'. If I end up with phrases like 'your mother looks like a toad' etc etc I will not be impressed.

I have also been thinking about baggage recently.

My allowance is 20kg.

I think my shoes alone weigh more than that.

I do NOT want to cut down on my clothes but I'm going to have to and, irony states, I will find that I need the one thing I have left at home. I need to talk to the bank, the phone company and my landlord. Oh, joy.

Perhaps I should call the whole thing off? If I claim bird flu they won't let me fly anyway, right?

...Right?